Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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