just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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