What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize