I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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