new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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