I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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