bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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