Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize