and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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