sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize