new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize