I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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