remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize