Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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