I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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