just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
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