I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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