I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize