8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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