It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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