You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize