I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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