The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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