I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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