so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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