I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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