didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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