..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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