just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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