have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the day after is always just damage control
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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