there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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