Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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