Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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