i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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