i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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