Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize