also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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