so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize