just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize