I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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