No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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