I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize