Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize