He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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