So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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