coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize