I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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