Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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