I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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