wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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